Exactly one year ago today, I found out I was pregnant.
Almost on a whim, I took a pregnancy test. When it came up positive, I immediately started crying. It was tears of happiness, yes, but more than that, I felt completely overwhelmed. I’d be a mom in less than nine months.
Penny Dee was born at the beginning of December, and is now four months old. Sometimes I still stare at her in amazement. A human came out of me! And I’m going to have to take care of it for 18 years! And I’m going to have to emotionally support it for the rest of my life! It’s a really strange feeling to describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it. I have pets, they’re great, but I quickly realized there’s no such thing as “dog mom.”
Being a mom to a baby is hard, even with an angel baby. You’re constantly on call. Like clockwork, if you start a task, baby will require attention (I’m impressed I’ve gotten this far without interruption). Sometimes they cry and you know exactly what they want, but sometimes they cry and you don’t have a clue. It takes an incredibly level of patience. Many times I’ve ended up crying right along with the baby, defeated (it’s gotten a lot better as she gets older).
You will no longer come first. Someone was talking about getting me a birthday gift that was clearly for the baby, and I joked about it being a present for “me.” They laughed and said “you’re a mom now, gifts for the baby are your gifts now!” and they were right and it kind of sucks, to be honest (if you read this, I love you guys very much and hope you don’t take offense to that!). I’ll be spending my birthday hanging out with my baby and it will be very low key. The picture of her being handed to me for the first time is one of the few pictures we have of just the two of us; I’m always the one taking the pictures. You will be the quiet, behind the scenes entity that makes things run smoothly.
It’s hard, but I wouldn’t give it up being a mom for anything. Every morning when Penny wakes up, she gives me a giant smile that makes everything worth it. Holding her in my arms, pushed against me when she lets out a giant belch. Having her fall sleep laying on me. Getting super excited when she does something like grab a toy for the first time or roll over. Any amount of stress and anxiety is overcome by the love of having a sweet little baby. You are each other’s worlds, in amazing times and less than amazing times. But even the less than amazing times are still pretty amazing.