Hey all! I’m Tara Paige, your friendly Austin wedding photographer. Did you get invited to a wedding? Woo, LFG! Weddings are super fun, and I’m excited for you. Are you an over achiever who is wondering how you can be the most perfect, gold star wedding guest ever? Love that for you. I’m here to tell you all of the hard truths that the very sweet engaged couple is too nice to tell you.
RSVP
RSVP early and in the requested manner! Are you wondering if you have a plus one? If the envelope was addressed in your name only and the RSVP card does not mention anything about an additional guest, I have bad news for you, friend. Do not ask the couple about it. Don’t make it weird. An exception to this is *maybe* if you’re married, and want to ask about your spouse. Likewise, if you have children that are not mentioned on the invitation, they are not invited. I’m sorry.
I actually went to a wedding with a new boyfriend many many years ago, and did not realize he didn’t have a plus one. The had to find me a chair and squeeze me in. It was extremely awkward for me (and certainly annoying to the couple, though they were very nice about it). Don’t be awkward.
Hummingbird House wedding venue
Dress Appropriately
I didn’t feel like this needed to be mentioned to a wedding guest in the lords year of 2025, but… women do not wear white to a wedding (I say women because men wearing a white collared shirt isn’t uncommon). For the first time in my career or 200+ weddings, a wedding guest wore a white dress to a wedding this Spring. She was extremely rude when the planner asked her to put a cover up on. Even if the couple is non-traditional, if you are not specifically told that you should wear white, don’t. And if you have to ask for advice as to whether it is too much white… the answer is yes.
If the wedding is black tie, that means extremely formal. Cocktail is dressy. Men, don’t wear jeans unless it’s at a barn and the dress code is casual. Ladies, dress to impress, but keep all of your bits covered. I do not like having to delete photos because your boob popped out on the dance floor. If the couple requests a specific color palette, wear that color palette. Don’t like it? You are certainly free to not attend.
Do Not Arrive Early
For the love of all things holy, if you arrive an hour early to a wedding, and the couple did not specifically ask you to do so… no you did not. You are invisible. You do not exist yet. Hide in your car relaxing in the AC until twenty minutes before the invitation says.
If a wedding guest arrives more than thirty minutes early, the couple may very likely be taking photos (either together or with their side of the wedding party). When you arrive super early, if the couple does not want to be seen, then we have to cut our photos short. Which means we have to do more photos after the ceremony. Which means the couple gets less time visiting and enjoying cocktail hour. And it’s all your fault. Thanks, Obama.
Also, there may not be a comfortable place for you to hang out at. The reception space is likely being set up at this time and is off limits for guests. And the ceremony may be outside in the heat and not a location that you’d want to spend more time than necessary at.
Arriving ten to twenty minutes early is the perfect sweet spot.
Do Not Arrive Late
Of course, what is even worse than the early birds, is the asshole wedding guest that arrive late. I don’t really feel like this needs to be mentioned, but don’t arrive late. It’s super rude. If you do arrive late, you need to be Mission-Impossible-going-through-lasers-to-steal-the-declaration-of-independence level stealth. Quiet as an extremely introverted mouse.
Give a Gift The Couple Actually Wants
I get it, you absolutely LOVE your new Ninja air fryer and you just KNOW that they’ll love it to. But if they didn’t ask for it, don’t get it for them. They probably already have it, or don’t want it. I highly recommend buying from the registry. Bonus points if you purchase it prior to a week before the wedding (I frequently read about couples getting nervous when they look at their registry and nothing is purchased). If they’re requesting cash or a honeymoon fund or something, give what you can. If you aren’t in a financial place to give a $500 gift, don’t. Anything is appreciated.
If you insist on going rogue with your gift, I recommend ALSO giving something off of the registry (or cash). Say, you want to make a cutting board with your grandma’s favorite recipe engraved into it. Love that, fabulous idea. But… you should get that in addition to a small registry item or cash. (This rule also applies to baby showers).
Have Fun!!!
The #1 way to be a fabulous wedding guest is to ENJOY YOURSELF. Use the photo booth. Leave a message on the telephone audio book. Listen and laugh at the toasts. Dance. Try to catch the bouquet. Play with the glow sticks. Eat the late night snack.
The couple spent so much time planning this beautiful event, and much of it was planned with YOU in mind. They want you to have fun. Sitting in a corner and looking sad makes them feel sad too.
But like… Not Too Much Fun
If you enjoy drinking, drink and be merry!! But don’t get shitface drunk. When you get super sloppy and break a wine glass on the floor and stumble around looking like a hot mess, it isn’t super great for the vibe. Get tipsy, but don’t get so drunk that someone is required to babysit you.
Oh, and tip the bartenders, if they are accepting tips.
When the DJ Tells you To Leave, Please Leave
This one is more for the vendors than the couple. Typically, the DJ announces the last song, everyone has a great hyped end to the night, then they tell you to line up outside for an exit while the couple has a private last dance. When you linger for ten minutes after the DJ tells you to get out, the vendors get increasingly annoyed. We love our jobs and we love the couple, but at the end of the night… we wanna go home. The venue staff is standing around just DYING to stack those chairs and get everything cleaned up. The florist has kids. I want to take a shower. The couple wants to enjoy their last dance and then go boink. We just don’t want to stand around waiting for you to dilly dally on out the door.
Just Chill Out During the Sparkler Exit
Please… stop fucking around with the sparklers. Just hold them up and be chill. After a few drinks, it might seem funny to pretend to burn someone, but I promise you, it’s really not. The photo/video team and the couple do not want to end the night with their hair on fire. The venue doesn’t want their grass to get burnt. Whoever had the great idea of giving drunk people fire sticks around a highly flammable white dress is an idiot. That said, as long as everyone is chill and understands that THEY ARE HOLDING FIRE, sparkler exits are a really fun moment for guests.
Plan a Safe Ride Home
Please, have a sober driver, an uber, a shuttle… just don’t drive drunk. The very last thing the couple wants to hear about is something terrible happening to you on your way home. So many wedding venues around Austin and the Hill Country are on dark and windy roads. Nobody wants a DWI, or worse. End your night making your Uber driver go through the whataburger drive-thru and smashing a jalapeño chicken biscuit in the back seat (and give them a good tip). Doesn’t that sound more fun than jail?
In Conclusion…
I hope this guide helps you be the best wedding guest ever! I understand there is tons of etiquette and rules that are involved in being a wedding guest. Weddings are some of the most important days for couples, and they put lots of time and effort into them. Do your best to try to make the day as amazing as possible. If you want to complain, you’re totally entitled to that… just don’t go to the wedding :).
